Valentine’s in Quarantine: Love stories and experiences in lockdown
BY ARIANA Villacorta
I’m almost 20 years old and I’ve never been on a proper Valentine’s Day date. This year, it won’t be any different. Only it won't be just me left without a Valentine but probably thousands of others; lovers who can’t be together for there’s a restriction or imposing distance that prevents them, others who might be single and feeling like their dating life, their life in general, has been paralysed, and others who might have lost their loved one, either to this horrid virus, in a breakup or due to some other battle.
When they imposed the lockdown in Lima that would linger past February 14th, cynically, I thought ‘well if I’m miserably single at least I won’t be miserable on my own’. But, what a stupid thought that was. Because not because you don’t have a lover, or you’ve recently broken up with he, she or they, or you simply can’t spend this day with them, does it mean it has to be miserable.
Most importantly, there is not one day to celebrate love, let alone friendship.
you’ll find love, actually, is all around
- Hugh Grant
Even in the midst of the health, economic and political crisis brought about by the COVID-19 pandemic, people have definitely experienced and shared love.
Jan Douwe (24, The Netherlands),
decided to share with us his pandemic love story. Jan Douwe and his now girlfriend follow the same Masters Programme in the University of Maastricht and, coincidentally, were put in the same group project. While he was in the Netherlands and his s/o remained in Italy due to covid, they still shared a lot of zoom calls together. When restrictions were lowered and she got to the Netherlands, they got to finally see each other. ‘We were able to study in the library together, where one day she asked me if I wanted to come over to her apartment and that’s where our first kiss happened’.
Jan Douwe describes falling in love is ‘nice any time, but in the midst of a pandemic I’d say it’s definitely nice. It’s a positive thing to look forward to. Someone to look forward to seeing.’’
Like on everyone else, the pandemic has had an influence on their relationship. Not being able to go out on dates like one would under normal circumstances, you find yourself hanging out in more intimate settings, like each other’s place.
‘I can’t look into an alternative reality where the virus and lockdown didn’t happen but, in a way, it enhanced the proximity and closeness to each other. Without there being other distractions, I feel like our relationship developed quicker than it would have in other circumstances.’
With life being restricted, meeting people is probably the hardest right now, to which Jan Douwe advices ‘don’t despair, love will come eventually. It didn’t come to me for 24 years and now it’s finally here, in the middle of a pandemic, so who knows’.
However, not all love stories have a happy ending, not even in a pandemic. I got broken up with before the pandemic started, but the heartbreak lasted way into the months of lockdown and isolation. Quarantine provided so much space for overthinking. The loneliness, apart from that which comes from a broken heart, that of being confined in a tiny apartment. The crying, friends tired of hearing about him yet still listening, that being from a zoom call because there was no chance of possibly hugging them.
The inconclusiveness, the not knowing, the fear of the world seemingly ending without having said a proper goodbye. The frustration of continuing to worry about another, who’s moved on well past you, instead of worrying and caring for yourself. Chloe Ting’s lockdown workouts didn’t seem very appealing to me at the time.
The cliché of litres of ice cream and tears that accompany romantic comedies did, instead. I looked for love in things that weren’t it and it had a damaging effect on my mental health.
As someone who struggles with depression, trying to move on while stuck alone in my bedroom, all days felt as if they were blurring into one. It proved a momentous task for me but I learned; love does not conquer all, love ends and begins again.
Furthermore, being single on Valentines Day in the middle of a pandemic, where hugs and kisses have been restricted and so the longing for touch is only exacerbated, we find the vicious cycle of dating apps and the search for validation.
Ellie (20, England) ,
shares some of her experiences with dating apps and the persistent yearning for love in times of isolation. ‘Online conversations can be a great way to pass the time but they can only go so far before you want to see the person. On top of that, there’s only so much you can talk about, “what have you been doing?” often prompts the same response because we’re all doing nothing’.
Then, there’s the utter superficiality of dating apps; in person you can’t swipe left or right on people. ‘Initially, I’d get that dopamine hit whenever I got a match or a message, but now it feels so futile.
Even when I do have a good conversation with someone, all it takes is thinking about how they’ve probably matched with and having conversations like this with dozens of others, to make me feel hopeless and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. As a bisexual woman however, I have found dating apps to be a nice way to connect with women during lockdown and explore my sexuality a bit more’.
As much as it may feel nice to have a lot of matches, it begs for the question - why do we feel the need to look for validation from strangers? How much do we truly get from those interactions? And when we don’t get any matches, what happens then? What does it bring, if not harm, to our mental health?
Being single in a pandemic can be hard and ultimately lonely, but I agree with Ellie when she encourages to love and yearn for yourself.
‘Loving love and wanting love is reflective of how much beauty you see in the world around you.
But love comes from within. Avoid spending all this time you have trying to get someone on a screen to find you attractive. Use it to work on yourself. Set standards. Understand your boundaries. Nurture yourself before you overexert yourself trying to prove you’re worthy of others’ time.’
Nevertheless, although Valentines Day might seem limited to lovers only, there’s others who might have found love, not in a relationship, but in the form of friendship. Not to neglect the pressing issue that hyper-connectivity imposes, in times of isolation it may help us feel closer to each other, even if we’re hundreds of kilometres apart.
During this pandemic, I built a lot of friendships, some closer to home than others. I found myself redefining the concept of ‘friends’, which had previously been too associated in my head with romantic rejection and the disheartening “friend-zone”. I discovered, instead, friendship is warm. It’s sunlight and embrace, drinking games through a screen, wine and laughter. It’s zoom calls that go on for hours and binge watching shows on Netflix together, even from a distance.
Something positive to recall out of all this, is the interconnectivity of it all, of the era that we live in; how we’re isolated yet still connected. These pandemic personal accounts of love stories and experiences range from the UK, all the way to Peru, The Netherlands, Italy, Poland, and there’s yet so many others out there.
Ultimately, this brings me back to how it doesn’t matter whether you’re single or you don’t have a Valentine; as lonely as lockdown might seem, you’re not alone.
These are extraordinary circumstances we’re living through. Yet once this is all over, reflect on all the people you connected with during these difficult times. Even more so, think of all of the people you haven’t met yet, who you’ll love, be it romantically or in a friendship, and who will love you back. Remember; love isn’t exclusive to romance or a particular day of the year.
Lastly, here’s a list of my personal favourite movies to binge (and cry) on Valentines Day:
Never Been Kissed (1999)
Pretty Woman (1990)
Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Love Actually (2003)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)
The Way We Were (1973)
Blue Valentine (2010)
This year’s FUZE is in aid of two charities: ArtRefuge and Black South West Network.
